Love or Compatibility is more important for a lifetime marriage?

Posted by admin | Posted in Love | Posted on 10-07-2011-05-2008

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Question by NoMe4Me: Love or Compatibility is more important for a lifetime marriage?
Opposites fall in love and marry but they are not always compatible.

Compatible couples marry but not always fall in love with one another.

Which of the two is realistically more important for a lifetime marriage?

Best answer:

Answer by Bimmergirl
They both are very important….

Give your answer to this question below!

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Comments posted (30)

Man, that’s a hard one……….though I’m going to go with love. Right?

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The two are inseparable. I do not believe you can have one without the other.

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compatibility……people fall out of love all the time.

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I think you have to have both. Sometimes over time love can fade, maybe still be there, but not as strong. Compatibility can last for a long time. Some couples that have been married for long periods of time still love each other but it’s the things they do together that they both enjoy that keeps them together.

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Marriage is about neither because at any given time you can lose either or both. Marriage is about being able to communicate and compromise. It helps to be in love and be compatible but the real reason marriage isn’t a lifelong commitment anymore is because people don’t want to take the time to make it work, its so much easier to file for divorce and move on rather than work together to make the marriage a success. Marriage is not legalized dating, it is a commitment to stay together regardless of what may come.

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While it’s best to have both, if I had to pick just one, it’d be love. Compatibility means you can get along easily and can build from there, whereas love means you get along no matter what.

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Love.

if love is true, then compatibility will be learned.

Compatibility does not necessarily cause love. I am compatible with the people I work with, but I don’t “love” them — not like I love my wife.

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I’m in love with the most incompatible match but we are doing just fine

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Neither… is more important.

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If you define “fall in love” as different from love, then the compatible couple is the best. For example, my wife and I were never about butterflies, infatuation, and racing hearts. However, over the years, our love has grown strong and very, very deep. We are very compatible, and we have grown so close together that if she died, I would feel like a part of myself had died. We’ve now been married for 22 years, and I would not trade her for any woman in the world.

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both are important but i think trust is the most important thing because if you cant trust someone you will never feel secure and safe in a relationship. if you have compatibility, trust and friendship in a relationship love is a bonus.

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Love is most important.
When you love someone the differences don’t matter as much and you find things you both agree on as your marriage progresses.
If there is only compatibility and no love then there is nothing holding you two together except similarities. As people get older their preferences change and the compatibility might change. If there is no love there is nothing holding those two together.

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both

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To me, they’re in tandem…anything less than both being included won’t have the stability to last a lifetime.

Just my thoughts!

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Compatibility. I love my ex husband as a person and the father of our children. I can’t live with him for sh*t. We’re simply incompatible.

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I think both are important. I wouldn’t recommend anybody settle for a marriage that was missing either component. If I had to choose one though, then I would say compatibility is more important. There are many countries with arranged marriages where people do not marry for love. Those countries have much lower divorce rates and say that a type of love grows after you have been together for many years. Here in the western world where people marry for love to the point where they sometimes forget to ask if they are truly compatible, many marriages don’t last.

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one without the other would not make for a good or happy marriage.

Why would anyone want to be with someone they got along with but didn’t love?

Why would someone want to love someone who they were not compatible with? It wouldn’t last.

Why not love someone who you get along with and have at least one or two things in common with then over the years the relationship could grow. No marriage is ever perfect.

Being compatible on every level is not always possible because you are individuals with different back grounds but you can build on what brings you together and be happy.
I would rather love someone & work on the rest. Life without love is empty.

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The opposites who fall in love and are not compatible, usually don’t make it for a lifetime of marriage; the incompatibility factor tends to lead to divorce.

There are plenty of people who have married for convenience or because they were comfortable; in that sense it might be a matter of compatibility but again…without love there’s nothing really to hold the marriage together. I’ve known people who have only stayed married because it was against their religion to divorce and they despise each other….even though their views are vastly compatible.

Which brings us to the reality of the matter: the only way that a marriage is going to be GOOD and HEALTHY is with both love AND compatibility. It is fine to have differing views and opinions, as long as there is RESPECT…and THAT is the key to a good marriage…respect, consideration and compromise.

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I’m all for compatibility. You can still be opposites and be compatible. People think they’re in love when it’s really just nothing more than lust. And then when they find out that things aren’t perfect, they think they fall out of love and then they separate. It’s all ridiculous, but oh well! That’s the way relationships are nowadays.

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I don’t think that these things are somehow mutually exclusive; love can make you more tolerant and adaptable (and thus compatible), and compatibility can be one of the springs that feeds your love. One without the other will probably not give you a happy relationship.

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honestly i think they need 2 be filled with both GOOD QUESTION

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that is a really tough question. One that I have been thinking ALOT about lately, and have talked to a number of people about.
My grandmother believes that even if you fall out of love that as long as the man treats you good then you should stay together, she doesnt believe in divorce. A therapist said you just dont stay in love forever, so find someone you think of as a best friend to marry.
Personaly, I believe that love is more important in a marriage. I just wouldnt want to feel I wasted so many years just staying with someone because I could stand them and because they were nice to me or good to me. I think it would be so sad to have not taken the opportunity to be with someone you were in love with and that made you happy. I dont think most people are like “honeymoon” in love for a long time, but I dont want to stay married to someone just because we are compatible.

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Compatibility is more important. I have been married twice and loved them both a lot & still do in a way. We just became incompatible.

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Love is more important provided there is communication and compromise. those are the two you really need to have

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In order to have a truly successful, happy relationship and marriage you need to have both to a degree. Love is more important because no two people will always enjoy doing everything together. We are all separate individuals with our own likes and dislikes therefore, we may not match on all levels. But if there is true love involved we will understand those differences and concentrate on the things we enjoy doing together while allowing our mate to participate in those activities they enjoy.

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I understand that your question is an either/or question, but I’d have to say that no long term relationship or marriage can last without both. Think about the question for a minute. Would you yourself want to be in a marriage for a lifetime with someone who didn’t love you or you didn’t love yourself, but got along with you okay? Then you could just have a roommate until old age. Would you want to “be in love” (it goes away eventually) and be married to someone, yet continually bicker, frequently fight and constantly irritate each other for a lifetime? Not this redhead!

And here’s something I’ve learned in my journey so far in life (have been married twice – 17 yrs in between each). No relationship will last AT ALL without trust and esteem for your mate.

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All of the above. However, either in love or being compatible, it takes a couple a lot of work to keep the marriage lasts. Many old time marriages have been at one time at the brink of a divorce. Willingness and hard work resurrect what was at one point dead: the union.

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thats a good question. i think divorce happens so often because people grow apart and are no longer compatible and that is mistaken for falling out of love.

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Just for the sake of clarity, I’ll define compatibility as two people who are fairly much alike in their goals and habits and thinking and even opinions.

I think love is different from this, but for now, we’ll define it as a feeling that is a combination of sexual attraction and caring.

I am going to go against the grain and say compatibility is the more important of these two.

Love is a verb. It is not a feeling, but a choice you make every day regardless of your feelings.

If you are incompatible with your spouse, your feelings and ability to overcome them in order to act in a loving way are going to be WAY more frequently compromised than if you are compatible.

Frankly, and good manners go a long way to adding to a lasting marriage.

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When you meet …you find things about a person where compatibility plays a part … You become friends . Trust is built and the friendship grows . It turns into love as the years unfold .. The common ground of friendship and RESPECT… determines if a couple stays together .. A loss of respect can cause LOVE to die … at least the kind of love that needs to grow to maintain a marraige . Two ppl are always different in many ways but the RESPECT builds a love that will last forever………….. You do need both to have a good marraige but to be compatible will set up a foundation to LOVE ………and that starts with LIKE..

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